Marital problems

Divorce .. Causes .. And prevention

Dr. Hassan Maleh

Consultant Psychiatrist / Jeddah

[email protected]

             Divorce is a social psychological problem .. A general phenomenon in all societies and appears to be increasingly prevalent in our societies in modern times, divorce is the "most hated of permissible" because of its negative effects in the disintegration of the family and the increasing hostility and hatred and negative effects on children and then the social and psychological numerous ranging from mental disorders to the deviant behavior and crime and so on.

          There is no doubt that regulate the relationship between men and women and family formation has attracted the attention of thinkers since time immemorial. We find in all religions, laws and ethics classes and wide to regulate this relationship and ensure the existence and continuity. And interested in religion and intellectuals, sociologists and psychologists in this relationship, each trying to present his side of what serves the success of this relationship because this is the continuation of life itself, happiness and development.



          There are various reasons for the divorce, including marital boredom and ease of change and to find alternative and the tyranny of material life and the search for pleasures and the spread of selfish and weak creatures, all that needs to be reformed and the need to uphold the values ​​and virtues and showing a lead themselves.

          Among other reasons, "infidelity" and agree a lot of opinions about the impossibility of maintaining the marital relationship after the infidelity, especially in the treacherous situation of women. In case of betrayal of the man and the different opinions abound justifications that attempt to support the continuation of the relationship.

          In our country, seems that this phenomenon is rare compared with other communities, can doubt, jealousy Sick and charge a couple other without convincing evidence of infidelity is the cause of corruption of the marital relationship and tense and turbulence, which requires treatment to one or both spouses, so that the uncertainty associated with signals sent and received signals by the couple together, and that happens when one deviates think because of the ambiguity of verbal and behavioral signals that do. He spoke little or smile at the appropriate or inappropriate that hides the events or other things and that inadvertently or deliberately clear, raising suspicion and doubt and suspicion in the other party and will boil paranoia. Here, training is conducted on the language understanding, dialogue and the right signals sound and other methods that increase confidence and trust between the couple and the ease of ignition of jealousy and suspicion, such as joint activities and meetings of recreational and frank dialogues in addition to the move away from the citizen suspicions in word and deed.

          Here we come to an important cause of the causes of divorce, a "mismatch between the spouses" includes the intellectual consensus and agree personal foul and the spiritual and emotional harmony. Of course, these generalities difficult to define, and difficult to find a man and a woman were getting closer in some of these things, and here are different standards as it means the words "consensus" and to what extent this should be done, but we must modify our ideas and expectations on the subject of compatibility because it benefits greatly accept couples to their wives and vice versa.

          Ideals and lead to dissatisfaction and the relationship to disease and degradation. In practice we find that to be a minimum of similarity in the case of the continuation of the marital relationship success. Born alike in the convergence and cooperation, and the difference generates revulsion and hatred and negative feelings. Similarity does not mean that the parties be a replica of the other. Can the differences between the spouses to be useful if they are in the framework of integration and difference construction which gives the relationship varied, exciting and vital.

          If the difference is large or aggressive competitive, it was just the couple for each other and feed hatred and revulsion and intolerance which leads to divorce.

          We find that the number of people lacking "sensitivity to the wishes of the other and his feelings or lacks experience in dealing with others" and that due to the formation of his personality and rigidity or for reasons of education and the harsh conditions and a variety of Ahramanat or for reasons of ignorance and inexperience.

          These people are difficult to live with them and their participation in married life, leaving them exposed to divorce, and here it must be stressed that human beings change and that the features of his character and some of the qualities can be altered if conditions were appropriate and if given the necessary time and guidance useful, and can be for a person to learn how to listen to the other party and to interact with and respond in a positive and comfortable.

          Thus it can before thinking about divorce and separation to try each of the spouses understand the other party and its needs, methods and seek to help him change, and many couples grow together, we can not expect to find a human "Knight dreams" easily and without effort and diligence, and perhaps "from striking imagination "or" impossible dream "or" beautiful legend "still caressed our minds and our hopes when we deal with truth and reality with regard to husbands and wives. We can not of course, that we spend on dreams, but reality requires maturity, patience, and taking and giving and pain and hope.



          Shows the daily life it has to be different and the problems in the marital relationship. Perhaps this is the nature of life and the important thing is to contain the problems and not allowing it to swell and grow and this of course requires experience and knowledge lacking in many, perhaps early marriage, a negative factor because of the lack of experience, flexibility and increase the wishful thinking and lack of maturity with respect to the other party and in life itself.

          We find in practice that "difficult problems of understanding," is one of the leading causes of divorce. And feeds the difficulties of understanding some of the trends in the personal, such as stubbornness and insistence on the trend of opinion and also highly competitive and love of control and also Alandfaih and hasty decisions in the nervous reactions. Where rights and disturbed angry temper quickly, which generates large shipments of hatred that is expressed directly through the shouting and swearing, violence, or indirectly through the negative, "and grins," and the silence and lack of participation and so on. All of this contributes to the difficulty in understanding and solving problems everyday, making the two parties away from each other in behavior, emotions and thoughts.

          In these cases, the word can be good medicine to be effective human review in which the same and reconsider his ways. Can also learn how to dialogue and successful methods of restraint that is equivalent of a repeat of the problems and help to resolve "peacefully" away from the divorce.

          And can be "the intervention of others," and the people of the husband or wife's family and his mother and her mother to play a role in the divorce, and this is what must be alert to identify intervals and the border between the relationship of marriage and family extensions. And stressed that parents play the role of care, support and encouragement to their sons and daughters Pairs through the provision of aid and assistance "and say something good or keep quiet," If they want really good.

          In the modern working families in which both parties find that the "confusion of roles and responsibilities" to play a role in the divorce, which requires ongoing dialogue and to identify roles and responsibilities in a realistic and flexible. Where we find one of the two parties accuse the other of default and expresses dissatisfaction with the standards, but it uses the memory of the old fathers and mothers without pay attention to the different circumstances and events. And should these standards be altered to suit the new circumstances which places additional burdens on the parties because of the newness and lack of standards used and the lack of clarity.

          The reasons for divorce other "combination of the special relationship pair specific" if the husband had children from another wife or the wife divorced the former is, these specifications make marriage more difficult because of the additional tasks and the sensitivities involved, and treatment requires understanding more patience and strength to continue in the marriage and the amendment problems and solve them.

          It also causes "duplicate divorce" in the family of the husband or wife. Repeats, where sons and daughters what happened to their parents .. Of course, divorce is not a hereditary disease, but the wounds and suffering caused by parental divorce in addition to some acquired traits and trends of various personal reasons .. All this plays a role in the recurrence of the tragedy again and again, and must be aware of this iterative process, understanding and treatment and try to modify the behavior.

          The reasons for divorce also the spread of "habits of word of divorce and to facilitate the fatwas" that the divorce has occurred in some cases, linked to a set of social customs, which require an understanding and an amendment and restraint so as not to fall victim a number of marital relations and that it can continue and thrive. Here, divorce is not intended as if an error occurred ...

Thus we find that the causes of divorce and multiple selfish and escape from responsibility and poor ability to deal with real life and with the opposite sex, they are general factors contributing to the divorce. We can not expect to end the divorce is the need and has several justifications often can not be all marital relations to continue if there are important reasons can not be changed.

          In the end, it must be pointed to the role of the eye, witchcraft and demons and other unseen in the incidence of divorce, while in practice we find that there is an excess in the application of these concepts outright or by the wisdom of many people.

          It is the first to examine the grounds of realism and attempt to modify the concrete and to treat the problem of divorce and its causes and reduction. And also self-reflection and patience, patience and flexibility to accept the other party and to correct what can be corrected in the marital relationship which is a realistic solution and prevention of family and social disintegration.